Get schmatzched, it's almost Purim!

Shalom, Allstonians, and Chag Same'ach (Happy festival)!

We're nearing Purim, and although no one at AP dons the jew cap, it sometimes feels as though the B(U) line is Little Isreal. If you're a shlimzel, shabbot goi, or just a plain old schmuck, try crafting one of these DIY costumes before your night gets too meshuga:

- Mordechai had fashion foresight! For a beard like his, cut the fringe off your mom's old leather jacket and glue it to your chin. If that's not enough, connect two paper towl tubes with graph paper and, voila, your very own Torah-turned-agenda-- festive and useful.

- Madonna's not the only Esther: Dazzle the common-folk on Harvard Ave. in a look that's fit for a queen: pair a tin foil crown with chandelier earrings.

- If you're taken, why not be the King Ahasuerus to her Esther, in a tin foil crown? Bedazzle if necessary and let everyone know who.wears.the.pants. (Big on status symbols? Crumple a piece of red construction paper and glue it to the end of rolled-up yellow poster board for a scepter!)

- Pride yourself on being the bad-guy type? So did evil King Haman, who tried to kill all the Jews! Pair a costruction-paper masquerade mask with a light-colored bathrobe and let Mordechai finish first (Get it? He's the good guy. Hah).


Much like Christmas isn't all about gifts, Purim isn't all about raging mitzvahs. So, before you un-cork that jug of kosher wine, give these terms a test-run:

- If your woman makes a delish knish, give her Colonel Sanders-worthy props! Tell her it was "Lelakek Et Ha'etzba'ot," or finger lickin' good.

- EMS on Commonwealth is always having sales, but don't let discount prices fool you; before buying, ask "Mah Tovu Ohalecha," or How goodly are your tents?

- Don't surrender your seat on the 57 to a glaring asian grandma or let your slumlord give you the runaround. Use these opportunities to drop an r-bomb ("rasheh," or evil person): it may just do the trick.


B'ahavah (with love),

AP