Alabaster in Allston: the pro-beard revolution

...and I'm not talking about the clueless girl on the arm of that impossibly femme guy-- that's a different beard.

If you haven't noticed, the pro-beard movement made it's way through Hollywood and has since infiltrated our trendy little enclave. It's like you can't even swing a purse on the T now without hitting at least three of these Adrien Grenier-esque motherfuckers.

Not to brag or anything, but lately I've been indulging in the trend by partaking in some serious make-out sessions with a bearded guy. I'm not ungrateful or anything, but it's taken a serious toll on my skin. And considering that beards are "in" right now, I'm willing to bet quite a few of you ladies, and maybe some bros, too (this is Allston), are in the same boat.

Beards have come at a time of the year that is already hostile toward moisture, and consequently, toward our skin, too. While engaging, a full-on lip lock with these gentlemen- their beards included- is hazardous to the face, especially if your skin is already dry and sensitive to begin with. Too much kissing and too little care, and you may start to find yourself with the girl version of a beard. (No, you won't be growing facial hair, but you will have a distinct line of demarcation that resembles a beard... of dry skin. )

What is a girl to do, you ask? No, you don't have to kick your bearded boy to the curb; just take a few precautionary skin-care measures.

First, and most importantly: Exfoliate! I don't mean go out and buy St. Ives scrub (In fact, don't ever use that shit on your face. It's like rubbing shards of glass all over your skin, and if you have any minor breakouts they'll spread like wildfire when the exfoliating beads break up and spread the bacteria.). You can, however, find some products that have gentle beads in them at a local pharmacy, like CVS or Rite Aid.

But if you're spending day and night in a permanent state of lip lock, you may need an exfoliant that is stronger. Any products with enzymes is great. They work hard destroying dead skin cells, and that, after all, is what we're trying to rid ourselves of here. One of my favorites right now is a green apple fruit peel by Juice Beauty, an organic line of skin care. I like to put it on before getting into the shower; then I leave it on for ten minutes while the steam works its magic (hint: steam will enhance and add moisture to ANY face peel, so applying right before a shower is best). After that, remove and BAM, I have a fresh, new complexion.

The next step is moisturize, which you should be doing daily anyways, so this won't complicate your skin-care regimen. During winter it's okay to use a heavier moisturizer. Because this is New England, feel free to use a creamier one until early- to mid-spring. Once the season changes, though, so too should your moisturizer, to a light, oil-free one.

Two things to keep in mind: exfoliating once or twice a week; moisturize day and night.

If you cannot change a man, you shouldn't force him into beard submission. Besides, he'll eventually lose the beard and making out with go a lot smoother. But until then, the only thing we can do is put ourselves and our skin first.

It's Good Friday!

...and to celebrate, AP is eating meat and holding a human sacrifice at 3 a.m.!

Rock on, crazies!

Burglary on the decline in Allston

Uhm, come again?

According to an article in this week's Allston-Brighton Tab, burglary in Allston has dropped by 77 percent since 2007. (106 instances were reported between January 1 and March 1 last year; there were 35 this year.)

So far, we've learned hand-biting and loud screams deter muggings. Does that mean shin kicks and blasting Carrie Underwood will send a potential felon running out the front door?

Probably not, since apartment booty (Macs, tupperware, virginity) far trumps that of a stolen purse (makeup, menstrual goods, Red Bull). But there ARE some things a girl you can do to stop it (sorry guys, I would've made a list for you, too, but statistics tell me we're the ones committing most of the crimes. Way to represent.).

Try these the next time a homeware-huntin' hoodlum breaks your bedroom window:

1. Assume it's your girlfriend playing a mean trick and start gushing about your heavy flow (clothing evidence not necessary, but will induce puke-and-run syndrome)
2. Fart. Nothing turns a guy off more than a breach of bodily etiquette. (When a guy does it, it's disgusting; when a girl does it, oh geez, it's just strange.)
3. Sleep with a machete under your bed. (Last summer, when I spent a month in the jungle of Costa Rica, it seemed a feasible defense.)
4. Dress like a thief; half of Allston already does this. This way, if a real thief gets in, he or she will assume they've been outpaced by a competitor. (All it takes is a hipster scarf tied around the neck- which can be quickly pulled up to the nose- and black skinny jeans.)
5. Learn to kickbox with Kendra from The Girls Next Door. (She may be wearing a hula hoop and Daisy Dukes, but Kdubs is a force to reckon with.)

[Source: Allston-Brighton Crime Drops]

AP's first Top Ten: Albums

Exciting, no? Sorry for the humdrum topic, but it's only our first, so no worries. They'll get more interesting, we promise. Plus, music choice speaks to the likability of a person. Now, we'd be wrong in asking you not to judge, but, really, we're confident that those who dissent have poor taste-- they wouldn't be our favorites otherwise.

JEREMY
1. Erotica - Madonna
2. Blue - Joni Mitchell
3. Under Construction – Missy Elliot
4. Kala – M.I.A.
5. Miles of Aisles – Joni Mitchell
6. Pure Breed Mongrel – Jahcoozi
7. The Love Below - Andre 3000
8. Say You Will – Fleetwood Mac
9. Scissor Sisters – Scissor Sisters
10. Alright, Still – Lily Allen

JOE
1. Summer Teeth - Wilco
2. When the Pawn... - Fiona Apple
3. Midnite Vultures - Beck
4. Daydream - Mariah Carey
5. Supernature - Goldfrapp
6. Ágætis Byrjun - Sigur Ros
7. Ta-Dah - Scissor Sisters
8. Fox Confessor Brings the Flood - Neko Case
9. The Score - The Fugees
10. Fat of the Land - Prodigy

ALANA
1. Tusk - Fleetwood Mac
2. The Wild Heart - Stevie Nicks
3. Seventeen Seconds - The Cure
4. The Other Side of the Mirror - Stevie Nicks
5. Dog and Butterfly - Heart
6. Morrison Hotel - The Doors
7. Sheer Heart Attack - Queen
8. Pet Sounds - The Beach Boys
9. Faith - The Cure
10. Skid Row - Skid Row

"Wear Your Favorite Sweater" day

Huge news out of Philadelphia today: It's Mister Rogers' would-be 80th birthday! To celebrate, Mr. McFeeley, his way-loyal (not to mention way-creepy) mailman, wants YOU to wear a sweater that "is special to you." In other words, red turtlenecks with zipper fronts, like the one Mister Rogers sported, are appreciated but not necessary.

We'd personally like to thank McFeeley for easing the dress code this year. That saves us a trip to Urban Renewals.

For your own personal invite, check below:

7: people...

To avoid on the T/57/66:

1. Girls wearing BC hoodies

2. Girls wearing Uggs and holding Blackberries

3. Old Asian women

4. The homeless guy who spreads his shit across three seats

5. The employee whose call you ignored because you didn't want his/her shift

6. Babies

7. THE DRIVER

Last week in Allston!

Half the population was away for Spring Break, but according to the Allston-Brighton Tab's Community Safety bulletin, that didn't stop residents from having a little too much fun:

- A keg was stolen from the Applebees on Chestnut Hill Ave. on 3/5 "after an employee allegedly saw a man stealing a keg from the restaurant." We already knew they were slow-- but dumb, too?

- On 3/8 a Hispanic man tried to mug a woman in front of 1114 Commonwealth Ave. but failed when the victim "bit his finger." The headline for this one was almost as good as the story: "Victim Takes a Bite Out of Crime."

- That same night, 3/8, a 22-year-old caucasian man got in trouble with the cops after "touching a woman's rear" at the Joshua Tree. We're happy the Allston-Brighton is an equal-opportunity crime reporter-- Hispanics aren't the only ones starting touble!

- On 3/9 another, a Hispanic male tried to mug a woman on Cambridge Street. When the woman screamed he. ran. away. No comment.

- A 48-year old man was arrested on 3/9 for shoving a BC cop. We're just mad it wasn't a loud BC girl.

- And finally, police and Boston EMS brought a man who was "running around naked and carrying a knife" in the halls of his Glencoe St. apartment on 3/14 to St. Elizabeth's for a psychiatric evaluation. Here's the kicker: Officials said the man smelled like alcohol. Nahh, really?

[Source: Allston-Brighton Tab Community Safety bulletin]

7: ways...

To Keep Money in the Bank:

1. Shop at Trader Joe's. It's cheaper than Shaw's, and healthier.

2. Only buy milk, bread, pasta, and a mixer weekly. Milk, bread, and mixers are useful all the time; pasta lasts decades; nothing else goes bad after a week's neglect.

3. Wear a sweatshirt indoors. You'll be happy when the Keyspan bill arrives.

4. Shop for clothes at Urban Renewals, but be picky and wash first (otherwise you'll get a rash from that lime green sport coat).

5. Immediately transfer ALL of your money to Citizen's Bank. Sure, it's a long walk down Harvard, but at least you wont be paying Bank of America's ridiculous fees.

6. If you cook, COOK! If you don't cook, don't go food shopping. Be real: you'll end up with months-old frozen chicken and brown vegetables if your wishful thinking gets the better of you.

7. Pre-game. It sounds freshman, but if done right, downing a few drinks at your apartment will make for a cheaper night. And if done with the right people, you may not even want to leave come midnight.

Get schmatzched, it's almost Purim!

Shalom, Allstonians, and Chag Same'ach (Happy festival)!

We're nearing Purim, and although no one at AP dons the jew cap, it sometimes feels as though the B(U) line is Little Isreal. If you're a shlimzel, shabbot goi, or just a plain old schmuck, try crafting one of these DIY costumes before your night gets too meshuga:

- Mordechai had fashion foresight! For a beard like his, cut the fringe off your mom's old leather jacket and glue it to your chin. If that's not enough, connect two paper towl tubes with graph paper and, voila, your very own Torah-turned-agenda-- festive and useful.

- Madonna's not the only Esther: Dazzle the common-folk on Harvard Ave. in a look that's fit for a queen: pair a tin foil crown with chandelier earrings.

- If you're taken, why not be the King Ahasuerus to her Esther, in a tin foil crown? Bedazzle if necessary and let everyone know who.wears.the.pants. (Big on status symbols? Crumple a piece of red construction paper and glue it to the end of rolled-up yellow poster board for a scepter!)

- Pride yourself on being the bad-guy type? So did evil King Haman, who tried to kill all the Jews! Pair a costruction-paper masquerade mask with a light-colored bathrobe and let Mordechai finish first (Get it? He's the good guy. Hah).


Much like Christmas isn't all about gifts, Purim isn't all about raging mitzvahs. So, before you un-cork that jug of kosher wine, give these terms a test-run:

- If your woman makes a delish knish, give her Colonel Sanders-worthy props! Tell her it was "Lelakek Et Ha'etzba'ot," or finger lickin' good.

- EMS on Commonwealth is always having sales, but don't let discount prices fool you; before buying, ask "Mah Tovu Ohalecha," or How goodly are your tents?

- Don't surrender your seat on the 57 to a glaring asian grandma or let your slumlord give you the runaround. Use these opportunities to drop an r-bomb ("rasheh," or evil person): it may just do the trick.


B'ahavah (with love),

AP

Welcome to Allston Proper!

We’d like to say hello and use this post to tell you why three Allston residents living in apartments with cold water, bad water pressure, loud foreign-alien neighbors, and a prominent gust that flows from living room to kitchen decided to create a blog whose name glorifies our less-than-bourgeois enclave.

First, we despise titles like Allston Rock City and Brawlston. We lead quieter lives than your gang-initiating, frat-boy neighbors. You’ll never hear us chanting Greek or banging a keg of Natty Ice off the steps up to our apartment. No, you’ll probably hear us listening to Goldfrapp, Joni Mitchell, or Fleetwood Mac. You may even hear us playing movies like Out of Africa, Wicker Park, or Basquiat.

We also do a lot of dancing, which angers the people below us (We know; they’ve banged on the floor.), and we’ve spent a night in Beth Israel after drinking too much, so it’s not as if we’re 21 going on 100.
And we know a lot of people who do, too. Actually, all the people we know lead similar lives (except for the hospital incident). They venture out at night; they drink Jack Daniels and listen to good music; they’re well dressed and don’t look like American Apparel coke clones.

In other words, we and the people we know live in Allston Proper.

To give attribution where it’s necessary, we’re taking a page from the founding of the New Yorker, in that we’re writing for our friends, or people we could imagine being friends with—those with similar interests and inclinations.

That said, we’ll write for residents of Allston Proper (Allstonians), and not for those of Brawlston; they already have zines, and Nylon—they don’t need us. While we’re busy with jobs, classes, and internships, we’ll try to post regularly about topics we like and think you might as well, but suggestions are always welcome.


Enjoy,
Jeremy, Joe, & Alana